"MINI" TEAM PREVIEW - BRAZIL

BRA-ZIL - "Bug-sized yellow cute smooshy canaries - Canarinhos"

Overview: This World Cup is Brazil’s for the taking, which is great given they have an excellent track record of not doing well when in the driver’s seat.

I have covered the Brazilian national championship A and B for a decade, and I love many teams and players who hail from it, but I don’t love the Brazilian national team, and I know they are beatable.

Brazilian players are taught beautiful football, but what makes them so valued is their win-at-all-costs attitude. In a lower-league football match here in Sweden I saw two Brazilians in a (useless) 11-man team overturn a 1-0 deficit by eye-gouging, elbow-nosing, screaming and falling when they got close to a defender, kicking the oppositions star player in the knee 4 times and doing it without arousing the slightest suspicion from the referee. This is consistent in Brazilian football more than in other countries.

Instead of rambling on about that I am going spare you the reader the agony of listening to a one sided argument how they could potentially, within the marginal realm of possibility, lose, and myself the author the lack of metaphor to express the false hope that if they do win this time they will do it without diving, Catimba (see below), and playing a beautiful game.

Shall it be Catimba or Jogo Bonito (another Nike protected slogan) or the improbable neither?

Population: 201 million, add 10 million tourists to the mix

Facts & stereotypes:

That every player in the Brazilian team originated in poverty and in the favelas, although this has been true in the past, many of the current team originated from middle class or upper-lower class families.

The Brazillian Serie A is like Europe’s Champions League, and the Serie B is like the Europa League, because the main football is played in the 27 state championships that happen at the beginning of every calendar year.

Here is one I keep repeating: Brazil is not a country, it’s a continent.

Language: Brazillian Portugues is beautiful and melodic, and strikingly different from Portugal’s abrasive dialect.

Obviously Brazillans have a lot of original football expressions, you have to pronounce these while pinching your nose to feel this linguistic beauty: (if you miss all of them read Catimba)

Abrir o bico (Open the beak) – when a player is tired/runs out of breath

Arrumar a casa (arrange the house) – reshape the team after intense attacks from the opposision

Artilheiro (artillery man) – top goalscorer

Baneira (a bath) – offsides

Bola venenosa (poisonous ball) – a dangerous pass against your team

Cafofa – a miskick

Catando borboleta (butterfly hunt) – when the goal keeper misses the ball after coming out of goal (think Julio Cesar against Holland)

Cobra (the cobra) – a good, creative player

Quadrado (square) – bad adjective in Brazillian football

Frangaso (a big chickening) – when the goalkeeper makes a mistake leading to a goal (again, think Julio Cesar vs. Holland)

Entorar (twist and warp) – a good dribbling run

Coradeira - cheap excuses after a loss, think Mourinho

Chapuletada – a very strong foul

Chapéu (hat) – passing the opponent by putting the ball over them

Catimba – a system of playing the referee, not just diving, but complaining, harassing, wasting time, and getting the crowd to believe you which unfortunately both Brazil and Portugal excel at.

A line from the anthem:

Many people think this refers to Corcovado, it doesn’t.

Brazil, an intense dream, a vivid ray

Of love and hope descends to earth

If in thy comely, smiling and limpid sky

The image of the (Southern) Cross blazes.

The music is beautiful, and memorable in every world cup to date, now we will have the crowd singing with Selecao as they did in the Confederations Cup Final against Spain.

So the players don’t go hungry:

The greatest restaurant system in the World, the Rodízio offer all-you-can eat salad bars with ripe fruit that exploded out of its Amazonian growth bed and 12 (normally) cuts of succulent roast meat that popped off the spit on to your plate as fast as it takes for a Brazilian counterattack.

So the fans don’t go thirsty:

Brahma is the main Brazillian beer, AmBev makes it along with Antartica, Bohemia, and Skol, and together these beers overwhelm the market.

Brazil has microbreweries and Cachaça, the Brazillian version of rum, and can be found in abundance and hundreds of yellow, brown, green, clear and oil-slick varieties in Cachaçaria which adorn the country.

These bars have 1000s of high-alochol bottle to choose from, not so liver-friendly.

For the true athlete you can drink what the Brazillian teams consumes several hours before a match, its Açaí cultivated widely in Amazonian Brazil its one of the world’s strongest energy drinks, increases breast and penis size, and promotes weight loss in all places except the bum. It tastes deliciously like styrofoam-soap with a squirt of rotten melon. Maybe a bit of Cachaça would improve it?

Most successful club(s):

Palmeiras and Santos both from Sao Paolo have each won 8 Brasilerao titles. I won’t even begin listing the most successful teams in each state.

All-time top scorer:

77 goals in 92 game go to Pelé. (yawn)

World Cup and other performances:

Brazil have been in every World Cup, they are the only team to have done so. They are 5-time winners in 1958, 1962, 1970, 1994, and 2002.

Now for those hopefuls like me it is important to remember that they got knocked out in the quarter finals in both of the last two editions.

They are 5-time South American champions, which puts them only third on the continent.

97 games played, 67 wins, 15 draws, 15 loss, 210 goals scored, and 88 against.

How to blend in with the fans:

Get a tattoo of Neymar before he has actually done anything, leave dead iguanas and headless snakes at the Croatia camp, and insult en-masse at the Confederations Cup final for having a baby with Pique…

Brazilian football has a rich fan culture as well. In Brazil football is the most important socio-cultural phenomenon.

Anything to do with feathers, drums, exposed but-cheeks, will let you in.

I am not going to get into the demonstrations that are getting the real headlines of this cup.

The bi-polar:

If Brazillian football talent is unsurpassed, then Brazillian diving is bottomless.

If Brazillians play the beautiful game, they also often fail to use it to get to the final of a tournament.

In the same way Brazil already has this tournament won based on every single prediction, so also could they choke and underperform due to the weight of expectation.

National celebrities

Its hard to find one or two beyond football but Alessandra Ambrosio is one of the World’s richest models, and Morena Baccarin is the wife of the terrorist in Homeland, Carlos Saldanha made the Ice Age animated movies, Lino Facioli is the frail little Vale heir in Game of Thrones, Fernando Meirelles the reknowned director of City of God are all very popular celebrities in Brazil.

Strength and Weakness:

Brazil are one of the best teams in the world, there is nothing wrong with the team from a footballing sense and this generation is equally talented to past ones.

The thing is, the commercial buzz and contracts around the team, the constant celebrity life, the overpaying, the public pressure of succeeding even though the private comfort of a millionaire’s life awaits beyond the pitch could all get to them.

They could also just lose on the day to a good opponent, its football after all.

Goalkeepers: 7.6

Jefferson (Botafogo), Julio Cesar (Toronto FC/QPR), Victor (Atletico Mineiro)

I am giving a low rating because Julio Cesar is a strange choice. He was the reason Brazil were knocked out of the last cup, he lost his spot at QPR in the Championship, yet Brazil has chosen yet another white goalkeeper when Jefferson has been in such fantastic form for club and country. Go figure. Victor is also good.

Defenders: 9.3

Dani Alves (Barca), Thiago Silva (PSG), David Luiz (Chelsea à PSG), Marcelo (Real Mad), Dante (Bayern), Maxwell (PSG), Henrique (Napoli), Maicon (Roma)

There are good defenders in Brazil and internationally beyond what you see here, but this is the group. Henrique and David Luiz are the must publically doubted by experts, but Dante I find much underrated. Overall the formation could be better but it’s as good as any out there. Scolari defends and Brazil should be safe at the back because of that.

Midfielders: 9.6

Fernandinho (Man City), Paulinho (Tottenham), Oscar (Chelsea), Ramires (Chelsea), Luiz Gustavo (Wolfsburg), Hernanes (Inter), William (Chelsea)

Complete and excellent in every aspect from recovery to playmaking, Paulinho is the key who does all the silent work really well along with Ramires who does the box-to-box act.

The attack: 9.5

Hulk (Zenit St.Petersburg), Fred (Fluminense), Neymar (Barcelona), Bernard (Shakhtar Donetsk), Jô (Atletico Mineiro)

I took off a bit because basically one player in there is the key to this team, Fred, the rest, including Neymar are all replacable. I am a big fan of Bernard and he could be a major discovery this tournament finally if he recovers from injury. Wide, narrow, in or out of the box these people score on any team.

Everybody knows…. Neymar because the World’s press is making him the next posterboy of World football. Although he has an impressive 31 goals in 49 games for Brazil, he had a medium season (by his standards with Barcelona), and actually has not yet won anything major except the Copa Libertadores.

Fast, unpredictable, dribbly, cuts in, overrated, diving, and desperate... yes and frequently decisive

Should be more famous….  Jefferson de Oliveira Galvão is goalkeeper of the year in Brazil this year, and although he had a good stint in Turkey with teams that were in trouble he has always been an excellent goalkeeper. He won’t get to play here too much likely, a shame.

Shot stopper, safe on crosses, jump reach, composure.

No one has heard of…. Hard to find one in Brazil so lets go with substitute defender Henrique Adriano Buss, who beats a lot of defenders into the team because Scolari likes him. He is a Barcelona reject, but found his form again with Palmeiras before becoming a Napoli starter this January.

Jumper, hearder, relatively fast, agile, mistake prone.

Unfulfilled talent: Quite a bit of Brazilian players never live up to the hype around them, especially for the duration of their career. João Alves de Assis Silva or Jô is a strange choice in a country bursting with attacking talent. He is good, but he failed at many clubs including Everton, Man City, Galatasaray and Internacional before finding acceptable form for Atletico Mineiro and playing his way back into Scolari’s team.

Goal-irregular, tall-fast-agile, poor acceleration, sometimes immobile, skilled.

Still going…  Maicon is long past his Serie A glory days, and he lost to Zabaleta at Man City before moving to Rome for quietly successful performances.

Experienced, strong, not-fast-anymore, shot-not-what-was, good tackle, discipline.

The heart of the team…. Continuing the tradition of the silent, background players who enable all the talented colleagues to play their game is Paulinho, except he gets on the scoresheet often. He is unsure in the starting 11 due to fitness concerns though.

Clever, efficient, reliable, consistent, long-short-range-scorer, set piece scorer, tackler.

The goalscorer.... not always the scorer, but one of football’s richest players Fred or Frederico Chaves Guedes, is more key than anybody except Paulinho to Brazil’s success. His runs, assists, defence-opening play and cleverness, work-ethic and efficiency have made Scolari’s Brazil as feared as it is thus far. 250 league goals in 414 game, that is a superb .7 goals a game average for the former Lyon man.

Goalscorer, goal creator, amazing first touch, good in the air and with feet, brilliant instinct.

Real surprise candidate for top scorer if he continues form and Brazil win. BUT he has been out and injured 5 months this season.

The young star… he is only 21, but he has been around for a while. Bernard Anício Caldeira Duarte is a master of the left wing, efficient, smart with a great cross and great eye for goal.

Fast, technical, agile, high-tempo, shy

In bad form this season…. Oscar dos Santos Emboaba Júnior has been in so-so form this season, probably the worst of any Brazil member except Julio Cesar. He is a dangerous central playmaker in the Kaka mould, and still a key man for Brazil.

Mobile, creative, long-range shots and passes, original and unpredictable, physically small, inconsistent

In great form this season…. Coming fresh (or not so fresh) from his Championship with Manchester City Fernando Luiz Roza or Fernandinho was something of a discovery in the Premiership this season with 5 goals and some great performances. He can play in a lot of positions and configurations, and he is a player to raise the tempo.

Rapid, versatile, eye for goal, good high-speed ball control, long-range, dynamic, not fully consistent

Candidate for discovery of the tournament…  Hernanes or William both could play major roles in a succesful Brazillian midfield. Both are very different, Hernanes is slow, accurate, creative, technical and brilliant at set pieces, William is fast, mobile, tactically smart, and experienced at a young age.

Recognized player not included… Loads of famous absentees include Robinho, Kaka, Pato, Luca Leiva, Lucas Moura, Rafinha, Filipe Luiz, Ronaldinho are just some of a team that could potentially win the World Cup on their own.

The prospect of tomorrow… Brazil is a jumble of talent and prospects of whom about 50 are always being tipped for great things, and few ever do. Remember the guy always next to Neymar, Ganso? Well where is he in the frame now.

Worth mentioning:

Thiago Silva is the rock in the Brazillian defence and one of the most complete defenders on the planet, albeit recovering from a major injury and not fully fit. He was the only defender on the FIFA Balon D’Or shortlist last year.

Maxwell will cover Marcelo at left back and has played for many of the world’s greatest clubs due to reliability and professionalism not talent, he is also Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s best friend in Paris.

Ramires I saw live as a kid and awed by his running, covering the box and energizing his team I thought that he was going places. He did, he is a key man at Chelsea, and his stamina, resistance and ball winning are key to Brazil.

Mister Coach: 9.5

Felipão or big Phil is what Luiz Felipe Scolari is known as with Brazillians. He managed the team that beat Brazil in 2002 World Cup final, he coached Portugal, he coached Chelsea he’s been around, but this national team business is his best.

Scolari is good at tactics, a micromanager, good at squad rotation, good at keeping starts in check, and good at discipline and focus. He is a dangerous ingredient for Brazil, and even if they lose he was and is the best choice to lead the Brazillian national team.

The problem is, that there is no excuse for losing this time around.

Felipão can be tempermental, and he can get rather too trusting in his favourite players.

The negatives? He is confident, perhaps overconfident in his own system and ability, he is old-school with a new generation, and he can lose his temper. He had psychologically stronger players in 2002.

The Tactics, La Tactica, Taktika, Siasat, Taktik, тактика, 戦術, تكتيكات, Amaqhinga, Xeelad, Mbinu, દાવપેચ, 전술, Taktiikka, Chiến Thuật, Kick-em-in-the-knee-bwana!’’

Scolari dropped the traditional Brazillian 4222 to a slightly wider and slightly more disciplined 4231 which he is using to great effect in recent years.

The Brazillian version is different because it goes both wide and narrow depending on need, and because they are free to shoot from outside the box which they do to great effect. The single forward is also really a false 9 usually, drawing away the defence and making space for the attacking midfielders.

The Brazillians are very mobile, and there are three roles in the midfield triangle, and most of the players chosen can take all three, Scolari could have midfield tweaks as a tactical trick against diverse opposition.

The song:

The official World Cup song is Rubbish, so instead I am putting up a classic Brazilian masterpiece with a bit of rhythm and a lot of cool breeze.

Also here is the official Bahia orchestra for the World Cup Olodum for a lot more rythym.

The prognosis will be in the group previews.